Moving Away? (GBE2 #116 Topic: First Steps)

I have a huge decision to make.

I want to make a gigantic change in my life.

I want to move.

 

 Not just around the corner or up the street.  Not to a nearby town or city.  Not even to a neighboring state.

I want to move ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY!!!

( Portland Baby!! My My dream wedding here I come!!!)

If you know me...or you've read this blog...then you may know that I've been having a love affair with the city of Portland for years.  Once I visited, the deal was sealed and I've wanted to be there ever since.

We've discussed it in the past.  We planned to move when all the kids were out of the house.  But recently, we've started feeling antsy...like a BIG change is just what we need.  

We've devised a plan.  We have a tentative date picked out.  Most importantly, we'll actually have the money to do it!  

Some of the kids are excited.  Some just flat out don't want to go.  I'm torn between making them happy and making one of my biggest dreams come true.  I'm torn between doing something terribly exciting and keeping things comfortable.

What if I can't find a job?  What if all the money runs out before we really get a handle on our new life?  

What if everyone hates it and they all resent me forever?

What if we all die from dysentery on the way?

What if?  What if?  What if?

I'm not taking this decision lightly.  I think about it every single day.  We talk about it constantly.  I keep telling people " I'm not comfortable with saying that we're actually going...but man, I sure want to..."

It is such a scary idea.

I'm so confused.

I guess for now we'll keep talking...researching and dreaming...working out the kinks in our plan.

Until...hopefully...we're ready to take the first step.

'Cause I'm a Rebel Like That (30 Days of Truth Challenge Days 2 & 3)

I'm a day behind so I'm playing catch up. 

The question for day two is:  What is something that you regret not doing last year?  I'm honestly not sure about this one.  For the most part, I live according to a 'Back to the Future'-esque philosophy.  In other words, if I could go back and change anything that I've already done....then I wouldn't be where I am right now.  I try to live life without too many regrets.  If we are always worrying about what we did or didn't do in certain situations, then we are going to miss out on a lot of great things that are right in front of us.  Right now. 

Day three wants to know:  What is something with which you struggle? 

Ha!  Just one thing??  I could write an entire book on that! 

Procrastination is one of the many things that I struggle with.  I am really bad when it comes to getting things done.  Especially if what I need to do involves making phone calls!  But I generally procrastinate over just about everything.  If it can be put off for another day...then I will put it off.  I've tried making lists and schedules for myself but I also seem to come up with a way to justify not doing whatever goals I set for myself.

Which is why I'm combining two posts into one.

You can call it procrastinating.

Today, I will call it being a rebel.

Work, Work, Work (GBE2 #33--Topic: Work)

I have the easiest job.

It's true. 

I work overnights in a home for developmentally disabled adults.  I am a "sleepover staff" which means that I'm allowed to sleep during the night.  My co-worker is the "awake staff"--he doesn't have the same luxury that I do.  He has to stay awake, clean the house and keep an eye on everyone during the night.

It's not all sleep for me though.  I have a small checklist of assignments that I need to complete.  In the morning, it is my job to pass all of the medications and to assist with getting the guys up and ready to go to work or school.  This isn't always an easy task because my guys can be very challenging at times.

But mostly...it's a piece of cake. 

I haven't always been this lucky.  For ten out of the last thirteen years (I took a break when Bear was born), I have worked with disabled adults in various types of residential programs.  I have worked with incredibly independent individuals, who barely needed assistance with anything and I've also worked in homes where the clients were completely dependent on me for every aspect of their care.  I've worked as a supervisor, a program manager, and an ordinary staff member.

I've cared for individuals with just about every developmental disability and mental illness that you can think of.

I've dealt with obsessive behaviors, obnoxious behaviors....aggressive, attention-seeking, and self-injurious behaviors.

I've been knee deep in practically every bodily fluid.

Sounds awful right?  Not to me.  I sincerely love what I do. It is absolutely the best job that I've ever had.

I fell into this work by accident.  I took a chance and applied for a job that I had zero qualifications for.  Up until then, all of my work experience involved the words "Would you like fries with that?"  But starting with that first job, I've felt that this field is where I belong. 

My guys have become family.  I care about them.  They are a part of my life as much as I am a part of theirs.  I go to sleep at night knowing that what I do is important...that I am making a difference in someone's life...even if sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

I just wish it paid more. 

With ten years experience, I don't make much more than I did when I first started.  My guys aren't physically demanding and I get to sleep for half my shift--so I don't complain much.  But not everyone who works in this field is as fortunate as I am and the work can be so much harder--physically, mentally, and emotionally.  You would think that caring for people....some of the most vulnerable people in our population...would be worth more than just a few dollars over minimum wage.

That's part of why I decided to go to nursing school.

I'm sure that nurses aren't paid what they are worth either.  But, from where I'm sitting financially, nursing looks like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. 

I'm graduating soon and I'll be looking for a job in the coming months.  I'm excited and petrified.  I'm really sad about leaving my guys...I've known some of them for longer than I've known my own children!

But I look forward to the new journey ahead of me.

Goals For the New Year

New Year's resolutions.

Every year I make them.  And every year I break them.  I'm not quite sure as to why I even make them anymore.  Maybe it's tradition.  Maybe it's just the idea of starting fresh in the new year....a brand new me that I can mold and shape into something more desirable. 

Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Whatever the reason, I have set some goals for myself in 2012. 

1.  Be More Organized:  This is primarily directed towards the healthcare of my family.  We were without health insurance for quite some time, and I've fallen out of the habit of making appointments and staying on top of which child needs to be seen on which day and for what reason.  I envy those kinds of moms....you know the ones I'm talking about....the ones with the color coded day planners or the ones with every detail of the day strategically entered into their smartphones. I am not that mom.  I am not going to try and be that mom.  But I am going to attempt a better system of coordinating health care for my family.  I even bought a planner...if only I could remember where I put it.

2.  Take Better Care of Myself:  I could say that I'm going to lose weight.  And I'll probably try.  I usually do.  I'll be really good for a little while until I break down and eat one of my "trigger foods" (tacos or toast...perhaps?) and then all hell breaks loose.  I'm not going to depress myself with a goal that I've been trying and failing to attain for the majority of my life.  Instead, I'm going to focus more specifically on something I actually believe I can change. 

I'm awful at taking medications. 

There are two medications that I'm supposed to take daily.  They aren't for horrifying health conditions but they are for conditions that, if not treated, can lead to bigger problems down the road.  I'm honestly a child when it comes to taking pills...if someone doesn't hound me relentlessly--I won't take them.  If anyone can think of a way to help me with this goal....I am VERY open to suggestions. 

This goal will also involve using my CPAP machine every night and drinking more water than coffee and soda. 

Overall, I think these small changes are attainable and--combined--could achieve big results.

3.  Be More Organized:  Are you sensing a theme here?  This goal of better organization is aimed at my makeup collection.  I have a very nice setup for my stash--at least I think that I do.  But more often than not, that setup looks as though it has thrown up on itself.  I usually have to call my daughter in to look at my vanity area--"with a fresh pair of eyes"--to find whatever item I'm currently searching for.  I cleaned and organized the area this morning....only time will tell if I can keep it that way.

4.  Read More/Write More:  I've read two books in the last two weeks....so that's a great start on this goal.  I read tons of blogs and articles online every day but I'm thinking more along the lines of getting away from the screen and having some quiet moments with a good book.  I've been slacking on both of my blogs...mostly due to school (which is almost over--woohoo!).  I have so many ideas bouncing around in my head.  If only I could stop being a slacker long enough to get them written down. :-)



Most of these resolutions will probably be broken before I even start. 

But that's what's so great about resolutions--I can try again next year!

Have you made any resolutions for the new year?