Strenth of Character (GBE2 #58--Topic: Strength)

In the original GBE, one of my first posts was about pet peeves.  One of those peeves was when people pronounce the word 'strength' (or length) without the 'G' sound.  The sound of a person saying "strenth" or "lenth" can make me cringe like nails on a chalkboard.

Now, I realize that the pronunciation of these words is a regional thing.  Whether we use that g-sound in those words mostly depends on where in this country we've spent the majority of our years--much like whether you call your sparkly carbonated beverage soda or pop...or even just a coke.  It might be a peeve of mine but I understand that it's not wrong and I've never meant any insult to those who feel that G is silent.

But there's a reason why it's nails on a chalkboard for me.  And it has nothing to do with the words themselves...but rather the first person that I'd ever encountered that pronounced those words in that manner.

Mrs. Angerame.  My ninth grade math teacher.

Math has never been my strong suit.  Even as big a nerd as I claim to be, getting a passing grade in math was always a struggle.  Despite this, I'd been accelerated a year ahead in math since the sixth grade.  In my freshman year of high school, I was taking tenth grade math, which in New York State in the early 90's, meant geometry.

I was lost.  Not just lost in math....lost in just about every aspect of my life.  All my friends had deserted me (there is a post about that somewhere...) and my father had just died.  I spent most of my free time eating, writing, listening to music and eating some more.  My studies were lost in a sea of procrastination.  Looking back, I can plainly see what a mess I was...but at the time...well it just felt normal

When grades came in, my mom was displeased.  I needed to get back on track.  I needed to get serious.  A 30 in math was not going to fly in our family.

I went to my teacher.  I asked her if there was a time before school started that we could meet so that I could get some extra help.  I asked her if I could meet with her on my lunch break.  There were reasons why I could not stay after school but I tried to take responsibility and get the help that I needed.

She told me if I couldn't come after school then there was no way she could help me.

Each day spent in that class, I felt like I was drowning.  I asked for help.  I told her I didn't understand.  She made me feel small and stupid almost daily.

Then one day, she said something that angers me to this day.

"Stephanie, it's a wonder that you've been properly toilet trained seeing as you can't even comprehend simple math."

So...because I struggled to understand GEOMETRY (not simple math by a long shot...), I must be mentally deficient and should feel fortunate that I could even wipe my own ass.

From a teacher, that is absurdly unacceptable.

She has no idea how much that abusive comment affected me.  As the other students chuckled at her words, I felt ever smaller and more stupid.  I already felt like I didn't belong and this just made things worse.  I knew she was out of line but a small part of me was afraid that it might be true.  Being smart was who I was....my whole identity...if I didn't have that...well, then I had absolutely nothing to hold onto.

Somehow, even without her "simple math", I managed to go to college, have a rewarding job, get married and make some pretty amazing (and smart) babies.  I even manage that ass-wiping thing on a daily basis.  I'd like her to know that I turned out pretty damn great...no thanks to her.

Mostly, I'd like her to know that she failed that day--both as a teacher and a human being.  She had the power and the strength (or strenth) to help guide a student who had lost her way. 

But instead of building me up, she chose to knock me down.

I hope she's proud.









 

Eleventy-seven Questions

A little while ago Gill from Mojo Writin (Bright Blessings) tagged me to do this eleven-tag thing.  Being the colossal procrastinator that I am, I totally forgot about it kind of pushed it aside, until today, when I saw Beth (Word Nerd Speaks) take on this tag from about eleventy bajillion people.

Since today is pretty much a lazy day for me, I figured it might be fun to actually do it.  I'm going to do both Gill's and Beth's questions (since she tagged anyone and everyone!) but I'm not going to tag anyone myself.  This tag surely won't die with me and, honestly, I'm not feeling ambitious enough to come up with people to tag :-)

Eleven Things About Me!

1. In the last couple of months, we've adopted three senior cats.  Two girls, Big Mama and Bob, and one boy, Graphite.

2. Since doing this, I've discovered that I am actually a cat person.  More specifically--a fat cat person. I fell in love with Big Mama at first sight...she weighs in at 20 pounds!!  Bob weighs about 13 pounds.  I don't know...there's something about a fat cat that makes me smile.

3. I am making split pea soup for dinner.  I am a great soup maker.  I can make a tasty soup out of just about anything.

4. I've always hated mint.  Until very recently.  Lately I've been grabbing every chocolate/mint flavored item I can get.  Weird.

5. I do not own one pair of single color socks.  All my socks are wild crazy patterns.

6. Whales are my favorite mammal.

7. I absolutely love reading to my kids. 

8. I keep my spare change in an actual piggy bank,   She's a pink pig wearing a tutu and tiara.  I call her Priscilla.

9. I love perfumes that smell like food.  My recent favorite is called Un-Birthday. It smells like candy and it is awesome.

10. I have a job interview on Friday...send me positive vibes!

11. I am nowhere near interesting enough to come up with eleven things.

Now...for Gill's questions...

1. What is the first book you remember reading as a child? I read a lot of books!  The first one that comes to mind is the Sweet Pickles series.  I used to love those!

2. Have you ever owned a fad toy--such as a tamogotchi?  When I was a kid, I had cabbage patch kids and collected garbage pail kids cards.  That counts right?

3. What was your favorite childhood game? Clue.  Hands down.  I still love playing Clue.  Second would probably be word games like Scrabble and Boggle.

4. Can your body do anything strange--such as ear wiggling?  I can do the taco tongue thing.  My toes also can spread really wide apart.  I have pretty talented toes.  When I was young, I could flip the record I was listening to and restart it all with my toes.

5. If you had to spend the rest of your life in one room, who would you take for companionship?  I can't imagine anyone would want to spend forever with just me.  That's a punishment I wouldn't want to inflict...they'd go crazy for sure.

6. Do you have a friend who knows to wipe your computer should you suddenly die? No...and I don't think there is anything on here that I would be embarrassed for anyone to see anyway.

7. What is the worst grammar pet peeve that you have?  Oh but there are sooo many!  They're/their/there...your/you're....to/two/too...I see people say that they 'half to go to the store'  that irks the crap out of me.

8. You can go back and change one life decision--would you?  Nope...I'd keep it all the same.

9. You're coming back to this world as an animal--which one?  An orca whale.

10. Would you confront someone who was doing something illegal--such as littering or cycling on the pavement--if there were signs forbidding it?  I'd probably make some sort of obnoxious passive-agressive comment in a loud-ish voice.  I'm not big on confrontations.

11. What sound can make your heart miss a beat and a smile break out unbidden?  The sound of my children laughing and playing nicely.  

Now for Beth's questions.... 

1. When did you start feeling like a grown-up? I'm not sure I've reached that point yet.  I mean...I know I am...I'm almost 40...but it sure doesn't feel like it.


2. What celebrity made your heart go pitter-patter when you were a kid/tween/teen?  First it was Corey Feldman (my sister was the Corey Haim fan) then it was Donnie Wahlberg from New Kids On The Block.


3. What song do you and your sweetie think of as “your” song? We really don't have one.  There's been a few over the years that have been more like inside jokes but no real "our song".


4. Do you consider yourself patriotic? Why or why not? I wouldn't say that I'm overly patriotic.  That being said, when blatantly anti-American comments are being made, it does make me irritable.


5. What is something you once believed, but no longer do? Santa?  Tooth Fairy?


6. Jean shorts: Just fine or a sure sign of extreme dorkiness? I think it depends on the style of jean shorts.  They aren't my style but I've seen many people pull them off nicely.


7. Has an infomercial ever prompted you to make a purchase? If so, what did you buy? Nope, I can't say that I have bought anything. 


8. What snack do you have hidden in the back of the cupboard/fridge? Nothing especially decadent today.  I do have snap peas and salsa.  Healthy and tasty!


9. What book or movie seemed to speak to the masses, but didn’t do much for you? Fifty Shades of Grey.  It's just so badly written. I feel like it has an underlying message that risque sex practices and abuse/trauma are always linked.  That seems like a bad message to me.  And I honestly don't know how she got away with using "he smelled like Christian" that many times to describe his scent.  Ummmm....hello?  We can't really smell him...you have to do better than that!


10. What do you wear to bed?  Four days a week, I sleep at work.  I just wear whatever I put on to go to work that day.  At home, it's usually shorts and a t-shirt or some similar combination.


11. Is there a story of you as a child that your parents told so many times that it became part of your history? Something cute or funny you said or did, maybe? Care to share?  I can't really think of anything.  Maybe I was a pretty boring child ;-)

'Cause I'm a Rebel Like That (30 Days of Truth Challenge Days 2 & 3)

I'm a day behind so I'm playing catch up. 

The question for day two is:  What is something that you regret not doing last year?  I'm honestly not sure about this one.  For the most part, I live according to a 'Back to the Future'-esque philosophy.  In other words, if I could go back and change anything that I've already done....then I wouldn't be where I am right now.  I try to live life without too many regrets.  If we are always worrying about what we did or didn't do in certain situations, then we are going to miss out on a lot of great things that are right in front of us.  Right now. 

Day three wants to know:  What is something with which you struggle? 

Ha!  Just one thing??  I could write an entire book on that! 

Procrastination is one of the many things that I struggle with.  I am really bad when it comes to getting things done.  Especially if what I need to do involves making phone calls!  But I generally procrastinate over just about everything.  If it can be put off for another day...then I will put it off.  I've tried making lists and schedules for myself but I also seem to come up with a way to justify not doing whatever goals I set for myself.

Which is why I'm combining two posts into one.

You can call it procrastinating.

Today, I will call it being a rebel.