A lot has happened in this past year. I've had my share of happy and sad....my share of sane and even a few doses of lock-me-up-and-throw-away-the-key insanity. I think I might have even grown and matured in some ways (it still counts...even if you regressed in other ways, right?)
But what I remember most about this time last year is school.
I had just completed my first semester of nursing school.
And I got straight A's.
School was always fairly easy to me. I was never the kid that had to study. I was that kid that could sit in class and listen to the teacher and, with no other work, could easily snag a B on the exam--if not higher.
When I was younger it was always higher. When I was a teenager, I became
My father would never settle for anything less than straight A's. And I was more than willing to give them to him--not that I really had a choice. It was who I was. It was who I was expected to be. I was the nerd...the smart girl...the one who was going to achieve great things. Then he passed away and I gave it all up and embraced my inner laziness. I would do just as little as I needed to in order to get by and that's all anyone was getting out of me. I didn't have to attain academic perfection anymore and I relished my new found freedom.
This attitude carried over into adulthood. I never went to college....never settled into a career. Having my babies WAS my accomplishment. I was a proud mommy but there was always that nagging feeling inside. That little voice that said it wasn't enough and that I was wasting my life away by not trying to reach my fullest potential.
But I was a slacker through and through. I'm even a slacker mom! I don't do PTO...I don't do sports. I'm not a baker of special treats or a hostess of never-ending sleepovers. I tend to specialize more in the let's cuddle up and read a good book together or talk about our day type of parenting.
There was no way I could go back to school--I never finish anything that I start!
But once I got started, I fell in love with learning all over again! I was embracing my nerditude and pushing for those straight A's--only this time they were for myself. I haven't always gotten them but I'm working on being more accepting of the occasional B.
Graduation is in five months and I will be a Licensed Practical Nurse. (Well, I will be once I get licensed anyway...)
I'm not sure what I plan on doing after that. I love my job but I despise my company. I love my co workers and the individuals that I help care for. But I also want to make more money and have a 'better' job.
Sometimes, I hear 'Slacker Stephtee' calling me. She tells me that I've had enough school and that I should just go find a job and get back to life as it was before. She tells me that I'm lucky to have a job that pays me to sleep and to hang onto it for as long as I possibly can.
But....I know that being an RN is where the real money and respect is at (or at least that is how it appears from where I'm standing right now) and I really DO enjoy going to school. I used to know exactly where my life was heading and now I'm living in a constant state of uncertainty about it all. I had no idea that so much would change in a year--that going to school would change me too.
There is a great deal of Slacker Stephtee still in me.
But I get to be the smart girl...the nerd girl too.
And who knows? Maybe I can still achieve great things!