Saturday, April 20, 2013

My Big "O" Moment (GBE2 #100 Topic: The Big O)


 I've been gone from blogging for a while.

Eight long months.

I've missed writing and being a part of something fun and creative.  I would look at the weekly writing prompts, but never take any initiative to participate.

I would think of things and say to myself "Hey Self, THIS would make a great blog.  You should totally write this down!!"  I would promptly ignore myself and go about my daily routine.

My absence isn't totally due to my own laziness and procrastinating tendencies (although they do play a little part....)

I've been sad.  Really, truly, heart-achingly sad.

And I've been angry.  The kind of angry where you fantasize about revenge plots and kicking the snot out of people.

In the past eight months, I have had some moments where I have felt like the world had turned on me.  I've felt beat down and stomped upon.  As a family, we have endured some of our toughest times.  As an individual, I've faced some serious adversity.  It may not have been the worst things that could have happened to us, but there were some pretty awful bumps along this eight month road we've been traveling on.  People that I thought cared about me....people that mean more to me than they probably even realize...have treated me as though my thoughts, opinions, and feelings didn't matter. 

I'm an overly sensitive person.  Experience and time has never thickened my skin.  I often trust that if I am not hurting anyone, then no harm will come to me.  When it does happen, I am often blindsided and each infraction against me feels like being hurt for the first time.  I'm like a chocolate lava cake--poke me and you'll see all my gooey insides come rushing to the surface.

Under ordinary circumstances, I would find my experiences to be fantastic blogging fodder.  But I could never find a way to write about the past eight months without it being painfully obvious about whom I was writing.  I don't think they read my blog....but on the off-chance they did...I decided to err on the side of keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself.

This hasn't exactly been helpful.  Letting my emotions fester inside me has left me feeling empty and rotten...going through the motions...painting a pretty exterior...pretending that everything is just perfectly peachy.

But, after almost a year, it's time for my "Big-O"  moment.

It's time for me to get OVER it.

Time to move on.  Possibly even forgive the offending parties. 

I'm not sure I know how.

But I think getting back into activities that I enjoy is a good first step.


2 comments:

  1. I agree. I also think the forgiving part is good, too. Once forgiven, the hurt goes away.
    Good job and welcome back.

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  2. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! :0) so so get everything you said. SOOOo have been there and like Jo said..wow its amazing how forgiveness severs their umbilical chord of evil...as they don't realize what they have transfused its the only way to stop the cycle...now watch EVERYONE improve around you..seriously!! You are a BEAMING LIGHT thank goodness you are back ((hugs))

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