Sunday, July 14, 2013

Walking in My Spiritual Garden (GBE2 #113 Topic: Photo Prompt)


  
"You see...you can't run away from your pain.  Because wherever you run, there you will be.  You have to learn to water your spiritual garden...then you will be free" ("Special" by Janet Jackson)

I've felt off lately.  I've been really down on myself.  

I've been comparing myself to others...others that I have absolutely no business comparing myself to.  People I can't compete with...shouldn't compete with...

There's no competition  to begin with...

I'm angry with them for being better than me? themselves. 

I'm sad because I'm just not measuring up to own over-inflated expectations. 

I'm being petty and irrational...I KNOW THIS...and yet, I find myself sinking back into the same bad habits every time I talk myself out of them.  

I've been walking for a while now.  Trying to incorporate some much needed physical activity in my life.  Everyone morning, between five and five-thirty, I put on my headphones and make my way up the hill.

I live at the bottom of a pretty large hill and, in small increments, have worked my way up to walking up to two miles every morning.  I'm really happy with this and quite proud of my progress.

However...when your inner monologue is a miserable sack...well, that just sets the tone for a really crappy day!  

I needed a sign like the photo above!

I needed something to tell me that all this negativity was NOT the way to go!

And while I didn't exactly get a sign...what I did get was a clearer head.  With every minute I've spent out there in the morning...with every step I've taken...I've started to feel better.

I listen to my inner voice.  She's hurting.  For stupid reasons, for sure...but she's hurting nonetheless.  That voice NEEDS to vent.  Instead of pushing things out of my mind and pretending they don't exist, I've discovered that I need to really think things through...even wallow a little bit.  Maybe brainstorm possible solutions. 

I try to be very careful though.  There's a big difference between letting it all out and letting it eat away at you.

I look forward to my early morning walks.  What started as a a chore to possibly lose a few pounds has turned into my special time just for me--a meditation of sorts.

My inner monologue has turned from a miserable sack....to a slightly less miserable sack.

I'm a work in progress.....




 

6 comments:

  1. For what it's worth, I think you're wonderful. Truly wonderful. You are insanely smart, fantastically kind, and a fabulous parent.

    Oh, and one more thing. I'd be willing to bet there are people who compare themselves to you (which they shouldn't do...you're right, there's no competition) and find themselves lacking.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A very wise post, I think. Maybe I'll get up early tomorrow and take a spin around the neighborhood.

    ReplyDelete
  3. and you're BEAUTIFUL...FREE TO BE ME they say..and you are pushing up through the manure of life and GOSH ARE YOU GORGEOUS!!!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. It is amazing how consoling to the soul a mere walk alone can be. It is super hard to not compare yourself to someone else and not be too hard on yourself. What is even harder is comparing yourself and coming to the conclusion that you are just fine the way you are.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am fairly non-competitive, but I know the feeling of not being quite good enough. We've all been there and most of us try not to go there again. I think you're rockin' bright and a wonderful writer and to be honest, your insecurities make you a little more adorable. That being said, they also keep you from being your best you and that simply won't do!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I struggle with these same thoughts.

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from you. Always feel free to leave a comment...or just stop by to say hi. Thanks :-)

There was an error in this gadget