I have a huge decision to make.
I want to make a gigantic change in my life.
I want to move.
Not just around the corner or up the street. Not to a nearby town or city. Not even to a neighboring state.
I want to move ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY!!!
( Portland Baby!! My My dream wedding here I come!!!)
If you know me...or you've read this blog...then you may know that I've been having a love affair with the city of Portland for years. Once I visited, the deal was sealed and I've wanted to be there ever since.
We've discussed it in the past. We planned to move when all the kids were out of the house. But recently, we've started feeling antsy...like a BIG change is just what we need.
We've devised a plan. We have a tentative date picked out. Most importantly, we'll actually have the money to do it!
Some of the kids are excited. Some just flat out don't want to go. I'm torn between making them happy and making one of my biggest dreams come true. I'm torn between doing something terribly exciting and keeping things comfortable.
What if I can't find a job? What if all the money runs out before we really get a handle on our new life?
What if everyone hates it and they all resent me forever?
What if we all die from dysentery on the way?
What if? What if? What if?
I'm not taking this decision lightly. I think about it every single day. We talk about it constantly. I keep telling people " I'm not comfortable with saying that we're actually going...but man, I sure want to..."
It is such a scary idea.
I'm so confused.
I guess for now we'll keep talking...researching and dreaming...working out the kinks in our plan.
Until...hopefully...we're ready to take the first step.